Tag Archives: Grief

From Weeping…

  By Rachel | April 1, 2012 - 6:36 pm | Thoughts for the Day
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Sadness
I have been crying.  Sobs that shake my body, wails, moans and groans.  Have you ever cried so hard it hurt?  I have been sore, feeling like my whole body has fought a battle.

Grief and sadness fell like a veil around me, everything was altered looking through its lense.  My heart was heavy.

During one of these intense times of crying, I was sitting in my car.  I felt that still, small voice just say simply- “I am here.”

It brought so much comfort.  Not just knowing that God is present with me, but that He understands.  He knows me- He sees me- all of me- and still loves me.  Even in my lowest and most vile moments.

I want to talk to someone- to explain to them how I feel- but I don’t know that I really could.  Some of it is beyond words- just this season- what God has laid on my heart- and my own personal struggles.

My heart is breaking for the innocent- but many of the tears I have cried are for the guilty and lost- those who can’t see how much they need Jesus.  Those who have bought the lies of this world- and are suffering.

I am a passionate person.  I cry easily-  I laugh easily-  I am touched by little, seemingly insignificant things.  A look from my child, a verse of a song, a note from a friend, a clever joke from my husband- and I can be in the depths of despair at the beginning of the day and rejoicing and dancing in jubilation at the end.

Sometimes I lament for my lack of consistency- the way my moods wax and wane- how I feel some burdens for people so deeply it feels like my heart is splitting open.

God has made us all differently- I like to hope that as there are weaknesses and problems that come with being so tender and passionate- there are also ways that God can use it for His glory.

And that no matter where we are- on the mountain top- in the valley-or anywhere in between- we can know that God is there with us always.

The following are some verses from Ecclesiastes that have brought comfort to me this week.  I encourage you to take the time to read the whole book and to let God speak to you.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

 9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Ecclesiastes 12:9-14  The Conclusion of the Matter

9 Not only was the Teacher wise, but he also imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. 10The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.

 11 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one shepherd. 12 Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them.

   Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.

 13 Now all has been heard;
   here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
   for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
   including every hidden thing,
   whether it is good or evil.

There is nothing new under the sun- God, our creator, our Savior- He is the answer to all that we seek- our place of rest and peace.

morning walk series

Coming Home

  By Rachel | March 13, 2012 - 4:50 pm | Thoughts for the Day
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Heaven

What a blessing to spend the past few days surrounded by family.  As the day approached to travel for my Grandmother’s funeral, I felt a sense of apprehension.  It had been so long since I had been with my family, would it be the same?  Would time make for awkward interactions and disjointed conversations?

I felt the doubts starting to weigh on me a little, and the guilt that I didn’t try harder to be with them, to find time to travel- we are all busy with our children, jobs, and commitments in our home states.

Yet, as I met each one of my family members- I felt the time melt away to insignificance as we came together to celebrate the life of a woman of God we all knew- and were blessed to have shared this life with her.

We laughed, we cried, we told stories, we remembered.  I love the remembering- treasuring the times of the past- we are a forgetful people.  We need to remember.

We need to remember all that God has done.  How many times He has answered prayers.  His Faithfulness, His Love.  How easily we forget and can be filled with doubt.

Remembering can also heal us- or simply remind us that God has healed us so many times before.  He has shared our sorrow, held us in our grief, and given us the courage to embrace life once again- to not run away from pain or seek escape.

Today sorrow and grief are pressing me- I feel the weight in my chest, making it hard to breathe.  Emotions are just below the surface, churning, threatening to spill over at any moment.

But I am not running from the pain or sadness.  I feel the depth of loss, what I will miss, letting memories wash over me.  I know that all this will pass- and what will remain is a confident hope and peace.  My Grandmother suffers no longer, she is at peace with her Savior.  I will see her again.

Someday there will be another homecoming.  A friend of the family sang this song at Grandma’s Funeral- it is a favorite of mine- here are the words.

Finally Home

When engulfed by the terror of the tempestuous sea,
Unknown waves before you roll;
At the end of doubt and peril is eternity,
Though fear and conflict seize your soul.

But just think of stepping on shore-And finding it Heaven!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God’s!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!

When surrounded by the blackness of the darkest night,
O how lonely death can be;
At the end of this long tunnel is a shining light,
For death is swallowed up in victory!

But just think of stepping on shore-And finding it Heaven!
Of touching a hand-And finding it God’s!
Of breathing new air-And finding it celestial!
Of waking up in glory-And finding it home!

 

 

 

The Legacy of Women who Love God

  By Rachel | March 4, 2012 - 11:34 am | Thoughts for the Day
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tree of light

My Grandmother has passed away.  At the end of life, it is customary to remember all the days before- to think about- what is my legacy?

I can tell you what my Grandmother’s Legacy was to me.  A life spent loving God, serving God, sharing God, living a life honoring Christ.  She modeled, in so many ways, a life that said God is first in my heart.

I remember waking up in the morning when we were staying with them for family holidays or trips- and finding her sitting with her Bible and devotional book and her breakfast.  I knew not to disturb her when she was having her quiet time with God.

I had the thought- and wrote it down in one of my journals I kept as a kid, that Grandma always reminded me how important it is to spend time with God every day, and to put Him first.

My Grandma was a hard worker, and she was tough.  Not that she was lacking in tenderness- there was a sweetness so beautiful in her too- but I admired her work ethic- and how much joy she took from serving her family.

Boxes full of cards can be found in storage here at the house.  Many of them are from Grandma and Grandpa.  Their messages were always heartfelt and tender- talking about missing me, being proud of me, how much they enjoyed being with me and my children.  Their joy over my marriage to Phil.

It matters.  The love of the women who have gone before me.  They have modeled for me what a Godly woman looks like.

Proverbs 31:10-12,25-31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
   She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
   and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
   all the days of her life.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
   she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
   and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
   her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
   but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
   but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
   and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I am humbled and honored to have known women who love the Lord and serve Him all the days of their life.  To have had the chance to talk to my grandmother about being a Mom, to hear her wisdom and advice- to pray with her.

Through the jumble of emotions, there is joy.  I know Grandma is at peace, she is in the arms of Jesus.  Her suffering is no more- and I know I will see her again someday.
Sadness

I am singing the song below at my Grandmother’s funeral.

Why God?

  By Rachel | February 18, 2012 - 7:15 pm | Thoughts for the Day
1 Comment

Into That Good Night

There are times when things happen to people, tragedy strikes, a young person dies, a parent with young children dies- and I wonder why God?  Why did this happen?  Why didn’t you heal them?

I know that you can, and sometimes you do, but why not this time?

Have you ever felt that way?  I have been angry at God sometimes for this very thing- wondering why some children grow up in homes where their parents abuse and neglect them, while others are showered with love and attention in abundance.  How can God stand it?

I can’t see a pattern. Tragedy seems to strike randomly, without rhyme or reason.

In Sacred Parenting, Gary L. Thomas says that he feels God chooses to heal- not based on faith or obedience necessarily- but perhaps this is “God’s providential choice, offered without explanation or apology.”

He continues, “here is where the Lord seems to beckon us to what the ancients called the spiritual discipline of surrender.  Paganism seeks to manipulate divine forces to serve human will: Do the right thing, and you obligate God to respond in a certain way.  Authentic Christianity seeks to surrender the human will in order to serve and give glory to the divine God.”

I remember reading this and thinking, I don’t know how I feel about this portrayal of God.  Then he goes on to talk about how mysterious God is, there are so many things that we can’t explain or understand.

So when people mourn, we mourn with them, for the desperate sense of sadness and injustice.  That this was not how it was meant to be, sadness and death, tragedy.

There are no easy answers to the questions that arise, and to try to provide them is more for ourselves than for those who are grieving- we want to have a reason- or good answers.

The Bible teaches us how to respond to tragedy and grief in our own lives and those around us- but it does not explain the why.  Why tragedy strikes certain families and not others.  We don’t know.

Trust enters the picture- we have to choose to trust God with all the things we can’t know, and believe that He loves our children even more than we do.

He loves us more than anyone else- so when we can’t see the reason and we can’t understand- that gives us all the more reason to cling to God because we know that He understands- not only the depth of our grief and sense of injustice, but He also sees the whole picture and we can trust Him with all that is outside what we can know in this life.

I don’t know.  Even after writing all of this, I feel as though it all seems inadequate?  How can I truly know or comprehend how I might respond to grief until I go through a horrible tragedy?

Can we understand the depth of sorrow nor how one navigates it without ever entering into it ourselves?  So I wonder, what has brought comfort to those who have gone through the most awful tragic situations?  How have they responded?

A professor from the one of the schools I attended recently lost his daughter to a pulmonary embolism- completely unexpected, without warning- she died at 32.  Here are some of his thoughts (these are links to articles on his blog)

I hope that you find comfort in the words of someone who is presently working his way through grief- and understands the depth of pain that can come from unexpected loss.

If you have links or thoughts to share that would help those who may be grieving, please leave a comment.

 

 

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