Yesterday, I got angry- out of the blue- on Mother’s Day no less- and found myself feeling discouraged since I have been working hard to suppress my anger and take time to get control of myself before dealing with situations that come up with the kiddos.
The aggravating thing is that it is always over minutia. I never get angry over anything where anger could possibly be “justified,” it is always in situations when I cringe at my own lack of control and pray that my children won’t remember how horribly their mother behaved.
So, I am in the other room trying not to cry and praying that God will help me to let go and be at peace.
And peace did come. I was glad that my husband was home and I could remove myself from the situation for a while, before talking to my children and apologizing- seeking forgiveness.
But I was still so unsettled about the whole situation. And truly ashamed of my behavior.
I kept on analyzing the day and trying to figure out why I reacted that way- I felt like it came with no warning.
Do you ever feel that your anger suddenly surges up and surprises you with its vehemence?
During my quiet time this morning, I was reading in Proverbs 13 and 14. I came across these verses.
Proverbs 14:29- Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but one who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
And then I saw this verse:
Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
And I thought- that’s something I can try. Waiting to speak till I can control my tongue. Even walking away for a moment if I have to at first. Anything to keep myself from saying something in anger that I might regret later.
I pray that maybe this will be encouraging to you if you struggle with anger. I know at the root of so many sins is my own selfishness- and I wonder if this mounting frustration had to do with some insecurity of my own, or my desire to be doing something else rather than what I was doing.
I tend to overanalyze- so I resolved to pray about this- and to let it go. To entrust it into the Lord’s hands.
I came across this verse today too- and it was very convicting. I have always thought of passion as a good thing- but this verse suggests that it can be otherwise.
A tranquil heart is life to the body, But passion is rottenness to the bones.
How do we acquire a tranquil heart? Daily time in the Word, prayer, submitting ourselves to God’s will over our own desires. But we can only know God’s Will if we seek Him.
I pray that all my passions and emotions will be reigned in by self-control, and that God will give me strength in moments of weakness.
I thank God for His grace and forgiveness, and pray that he will continue to mold me into His image- as I seek to become more like Him.