I am amazed sometimes by how surprised we are by unplanned pregnancy. As if somehow we are mystified when the outcome of a choice we have made is exactly what it was designed for.
A greater problem, however, closely related to this- is our blatant disregard for the natural consequences that a course of actions brings about.
But, I think that first- as in any part of our life- if we are taught that we are responsible for the consequences of our decisions- both good and bad- then we understand-even when we make “poor decisions”- that the consequences of those actions are ours to bear.
We have a generation where many have failed to understand this simple truth. We think that we can act any way we wish and there are not consequences- or even that we can escape them and come out on the other side unscathed.
I see this lie rampant among women who have abortions, or who are considering abortion.
They imagine that there will be a simple procedure and then life will go back to how it was before. But not only will the abortion change you as a woman, the lifestyle choices that so many of us are making- believing that having sex with who we want, when we want, is better than a committed relationship to one man- we believe the lies.
Believing that a career is superior to being a homemaker, and that if you decide to stay home you are succumbing to the misery of never getting to have what you really want in life- but are under the foot of your husband.
But to those who believe the other lies, that a child will keep you from getting what you really want out of life, will tie you down, will cripple your social life- you could not be more wrong.
The blessed mystery of a baby- of the life that depends on you from the moment of conception… Forging a bond that is spiritual, emotional, and physical- you know your child unlike any man ever will- what a gift.
The mystery of how a child can change us so much- make us realized how selfish we are- teach us to play and laugh again- to imagine- to explore the world- to dwell on simple pleasures.
The mystery of seeing life from a different perspective– understanding the older generation- esp. our parents in a whole new way- appreciating all the sacrifices they made for us- or maybe learning for the first time about sacrifice and the love that is in it.
Beginning to see that a child does not cramp your social life- but can make you realize how empty so many of the pursuits of your life truly are. That there are some things in this life that are beyond price tags and social standing- they are eternal, yes, priceless.
The greatest sadness inside me is that we have taken something that is unique to women- an honor and blessing- and turned it into a burden. We have resorted to talking about children tying us down and preventing us from doing what we REALLY want.
But if that is a bigger house, a more powerful job, a nicer car, we must ask ourselves- is this truly what we want- or is this what society tells us we SHOULD want? At the end of our life, will we look back and regret that we didn’t have a bigger house- or that we never took the time to have children, to be with our children, to invest in the next generation?
What’s wrong with women following their heart- what they believe is the call in their life without having to apologize for it?
Yet now, when a woman stays home and chooses to step away from the work world to take care of her children- she is criticized and censured for “wasting her time.” What’s more important than raising the next generation?
I am tired of women saying they speak for me when they don’t have a clue about what’s really important to me. What I value. I don’t want to have sex in casual relationships- I have not seen evidence that this grants a deeper peace or joy in any life- but I have seen many wounds that result.
That is not what I want to teach my daughter. I want to teach her about self-control and waiting. About modesty and the truth that yes- TRUE LOVE WAITS.
The love that is worth waiting for is not based on the passion of the moment, but commitment that has staying power. It isn’t flimsy, waxing and waning – constantly unstable- tossed about by life circumstances. It is held steady by our will, and our determination to fulfill the vows we spoke before God. In sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, till death do us part.
Love for our children should bear the same constancy. From conception- we sacrifice the right to our own will first. Oh the sweet surrender of that selfishness. I can’t describe it- but to truly love someone more than yourself transforms you forever. And it blesses you in so many ways. But we have to be willing to let go of all that we have known- to allow something new- to embrace change.
My heart aches for our continual demeaning of some of the most precious gifts that God gives us in this life. God is continually reaching out to us in this life- and one of the ways I believe is through bearing children. We realize our own frailty, how little we truly have control over.
Before this post becomes too long, I must wrap up. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and observations. Praying that we will consider how we spend our days.