Missing Out

Poppy love

They bloom for such a short time, and are so fragile.

So am I.

My time here is short; I am fragile and frail…I am dust.

During this life I make choices, I live out my values and beliefs, whether I fully understand what they are- the evidence of them lies in my choices.

What I do when times get tough?  How I respond when the pressure mounts, when questions go unanswered…when I am called to wait…

And a question has been on my mind during these months of major pruning- where the cuts have been deep and the call to let go of things so hard to obey…

Am I living out my trust in God today?

God has stretched me painfully with this question over the past several months.

Pr. 19:21

The human mind may devise many plans,but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.

I have felt so challenged during this season to yield, to wait, and to not move until God moves.

Can anything deride the LORD’s plans?

Proverbs 16:1-3

The plans of the mind belong to mortals, but the answer of the tongue is from the LordAll one’s ways may be pure in one’s own eyes,but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord,and your plans will be established.  The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps.

If he wants my hubby to have a certain job- he (God) can give him favor- change people’s hearts- make my hubby’s application look better than others… I know God’s ways are not my ways, his thoughts are not my thoughts- so I feel uncomfortable even suggesting that I might know or understand how he works in the world.

He gives us brief glimpses in Scripture of how he intervenes, but he never seems to work the same way twice.  Just as Jesus healed people in different ways, through different means, with different tools, so also- God uses different signs, circumstances, people, to work his perfect will.

This release of control gets harder as the pressure increases.  People share advice, talk about things they did to push to get a job they wanted- and I feel tempted to step in, to intervene, to say, “God, I think we should try this…”  It is so hard to continue to wait on trembling knees for his provision in obedience and faith.

I have to keep my eyes fixed on him and hold on to his promises.  Repeat them like a battle cry.  Speak truth to my fainting heart, to call upon God to strengthen us and uphold us with his truth.

Others may, you cannot.

The path that God calls us to walk is unique.  It is so hard to not let the advice of others sway us. But the way he works in others may not be the way forged for us.  I want God’s perfect timing, and I don’t want to steal his glory by being able to take credit for any part of this journey.

And I know in my heart that if I give into scheming and manipulating and pressing our advantage…that pride may indeed creep in and corrupt the beauty of this work that he is doing.

It has been marvelous to watch the LORD work in our lives and recognize his hand- to know that all we are contributing is our obedience and trustand letting him do the rest.

Psalm 131

Song of Quiet Trust

A Song of Ascents. Of David.

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up,
    my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
    too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;
    my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time on and forevermore.

Lord, my precious Savior and God- Jehovah Jireh- how I love you.  Through all the ups and downs of this season- the days of barely hanging on and the days when you pour such love and hope and joy upon us my heart sings- you are God.  And I thank you for your grace poured, for mercy and forgiveness that walks with me every moment.  That I never have to wait to be forgiven or reconciled to you.  You are always near, to the heart that humbly seeks and longs to yield and draw ever nearer.  This mystery of walking with you, of letting go of all that hinders and corrupts, of seeing your sweet mercies- it is a beauty that I have never dreamed of.  Your peace and love- the way you speak to us- how you grow our love for each other even as we struggle with so many questions.  They don’t rule my mind- worrying, wondering about the answers.  I find joy in simple things, I continue to work- only because of you.  You will and enable me to work for your good purposes.  I will ascribe the glory due your Name, and praise you as long as I live.  In Jesus Christ who strengthens me, Amen.

 

 

 

 

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