Embracing my Brokenness

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Some days I feel like I am in a battle with the “I have it all together” mentality.  This insane notion that I might actually have all my ducks in a row- as if I am trying to concoct some kind of facade that says all is right with me.

The moments when I am at my most real- when my true self (soul) surfaces- are those in which I am acutely aware of my brokenness.  The complete and utterly messed up state that I would abide in- if it were not for the precious and redeeming presence of my God and Savior Jesus Christ.

I cannot do this alone.

I am not sufficient unto myself.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5 Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God…

All good that comes forth from me, only comes by way of God’s precious Spirit working in and through me.

He enables me to perform good works, to bring honor and glory to God’s name.

Therefore, I have no boast, except in Jesus Christ my Lord, and the salvation lavished on me by God.

The raw, vulnerable reality of my brokenness is painful at times.  I remember when I even tried to hide that from God, as if I could ever be successful in such an endeavor.

Sometimes I still try to hide it (my brokenness) from myself and others.  When I try- many times I find myself entertaining pride.

As God continues to bring passages about humility and brokenness to mind, I find myself staring at the one thing I desperately need to stay in communion with my precious Savior.

Psalm 25:9  He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

Matthew 23:12  All who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted.

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time.

The minute I begin to commend myself, to think I have it together…or when I begin to entertain thoughts of my fruit or lack thereof compared to others…when I get impatient with others struggling at different points in their spiritual journey-insidious pride seeps in– longing to destroy or undermine any work that God begins to do in my heart.

In Christ I live, and move, and have my being.  Apart from him I can do nothing.  He is the well-spring of every good work that pours forth from me.  It is his from start to finish.

Peter understood that well as evidenced in Acts 3.  Strongly rooted in his identity in Christ, he immediately deflected any attention for healing the lame man away from himself and pointed all who were listening toward the cross and Jesus Christ.

David lived brokenness. When confronted with his sinfulness, he immediately repented and sought the Lord.  He gives us a stirring and vulnerable view of his own repentance in Psalm 51.

Psalm 51:16-17 For you have no delight in sacrifice;
    if I were to give a burnt offering, you would not be pleased.
 The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

I want to live in communion with Christ.  To abide in Him; for the power of God to overtake me through his Holy Spirit.

Scripture tells me how I can know God will draw near to me, and be present with me.

Isaiah 57:15

For thus says the high and lofty one who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with those who are contrite and humble in spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

 God says, “I dwell also with those who are contrite and humble in spirit.”  He will revive us!  God promises, so therefore it shall be.

O Lord, I know that I never outgrow my need for you.  I am meant to abide with you always.  This is my soul’s true home.  When I wander, may my heart be quick to reconcile with you and to renew our fellowship.  Thank you for the precious gift of your Son, that reconciles me through his blood and justifies me before you.  Just as if I never sinned; just as if I always obeyed.  I cannot fathom the riches of your love and grace.  Grace that is greater than all my sin.  I am humbled by the way you work in me, how personal and intimate you are with each of us- and how you bring this blanket of peace that covers me.  I feel held and treasured by you, and so aware of my unworthiness yet lavished with love, filled to the brim.  O Lord, out of the riches of this love poured out into my life, may I love others!  As I interact with other people, may my heart be filled with love and compassion, considering others before myself and always being sensitive to your spirit’s leading as I interact with and have conversations with your precious children today.  Help me never forget that you created and love dearly each person I see today.  Forgive me for my judgmental attitudes and actions, for thinking myself better than others.  May my lips be filled with praise for you, and seek to claim no glory for myself- but all for your Name- all for your precious and holy Name.  In Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.

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