Lord, sometimes answers are long in coming.
I think that I can wait.
I try to wait.
I get discouraged.
My heart sags.
And sags again.
Then a glorious time in Your Word and I feel strong.
For a while.
I am ashamed with my discouragement.
I am angry sometimes.
Sad too much.
I try to be grateful- to write my list– to cling to you.
But sometimes my grip gets slippery.
I am sweating under the strain of what I bear.
I wonder- is this more than I can bear?
And I shrink in shame from those thoughts too.
I am weak and frail and so quick to lose heart.
Oh Lord, help me. I am so tired sometimes. I want to be joyful in your truth, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. But I am not.
Think that I know Your Will- act…and find myself with doors closing in my face.
Tears fall once again.
Am I wrong? How do I know?
Is this all part of your plan?
I doubt whether I heard you at all.
My heart sags.
I want to shake the sadness. I know there will be troubles in this life. Times of testing. These are mine to bear.
You have graciously given me so many gifts. Why does my mind always seem to focus on those few unknowns?
My mind is so undisciplined. I let it toss me this way and that. I could focus on your Word, I could quote Scripture to myself. But sometimes I just let it wander through the theater of negativity- taking in a show or two.
I know no fruit will come of it. That it will only lead to more discouragement and grief- yet I let the movies play on and on in my mind.
Save me Lord. Lift me out of this pit.
Today- right now. I choose.
One step- write down gratitude.
Another-enter into joy– laugh with my children.
Watch the hummingbird- glory in his wings-see graceful beauty.
I will praise you. I will put my hope in You and give glory to Your Name. I will lift my voice in praise to You.
I will rise from the ashes of despair with Your Truth on my lips.
Don’t let me go.
I will wait.
And cling to faith.
***I dedicate this prayer to David- (a man after God’s own heart) who ministers to me in his honesty and transparency with God.
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