Does anyone else besides me find it hard to rejoice in weaknesses?
I find myself working very hard sometimes to hide them.
This evening, while getting ready for bed, some verses came to mind.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Most of the time I am so preoccupied with trying to hold it together– and then left feeling ashamed and discouraged when I fail.
I try not to raise my voice.
I try to be patient.
I try to think before I talk.
Yes, there is a pattern here.
There’s no room for God in I.
And the perfectionist in me has to die.
With her desire to do and be and claim the glory for it.
So I find myself asking- can I rejoice when I fall, when I fail? Instead of being devastated- can I praise God in those moments too?
It is more evidence of a fact already known to me.
I can’t do this life without Him.
We do a disservice to each other when we pretend like we have it all together.
Then I walk around afraid to be real- not wanting to shatter the image that I work so hard to construct.
Make the outside nice and shiny and clean- even if on the inside I am falling apart (white washed tomb).
Don’t express a need, a doubt- or do it in a way that is self-deprecating in an endearing way- but don’t show any real vulnerability. That might make people uncomfortable.
Sometimes I want real so bad I could scream.
Oh God, help me. It is so hard to keep my eyes on You! Those are the only moments when peace descends- when instead of clawing and grasping and straining- I rest.
Amazement and awe, silent praise fill me.
I belong to You.
No flaw is so deep that it can keep me from you.
Unclench my hands Lord. Loosen my stiffness in body and spirit.
Help me to be real in my love for you and my flaws. Give me the courage to be vulnerable for the sake of the gospel.
To love with a costly love. Like the one you gave to me.
How can we be the change agent within our community to encourage sharing on a deeper level?
That we might rejoice in our imperfections together, and spur one another on in love and good deeds.
My heart aches, even today, I feel the temptation to cover up the cracks. I want to live with joy in my vulnerabilities. To rejoice in the strength of God- to acknowledge that he holds me up.
I hope and pray that our hunger for intimacy drives us to seek each other out. That we will stop hiding and start living more transparently with each other.
32 All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. 33 With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all 34 that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them,brought the money from the sales 35 and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.
Lord, I need love and support on this journey with you. Brothers and sisters in Christ who are iron and sharpen me as I seek to sharpen them. Oh Lord, I pray that we would truly be united- we are so much stronger when we all come together with our unique gifts and strengths given by your Spirit. I long to be encouraged by others who are seeking you and long to serve you. I pray that you would help us to be fire starters in our churches- bringing passion and conviction. May we glorify and honor you in all that we do. Thank you God for your church- I pray that you would help us get back to our roots- and to truly live and love each other. In Jesus Name, Amen.
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