In My Own Defense

Diane's Dilemma

Battling pride continues to be one of the constant struggles defining my walk with the Lord.

It rears its head at the most unexpected times, causing me to say rather embarrassing things.

The main reason why they are so embarrassing is simply this- if I take any time at all to think about where the comment originated from- pride is the obvious source.

Wanting to defend those things that I try to credit to myself to give me “worth.”

I have forgotten the source of all good things in me or done through me is God and God alone.

1 Corinthians 1:26-31

26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

No credit is due me.

Hebrews 5:7-10

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him 10 and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.

Jesus was the perfect example of one without pride.  He made it clear.  His mission was to do what His Father had called Him to earth to do.

Nothing more, nothing less.

What other people thought of him did not affect his calling.

That did not mean He was indifferent.  Quite the opposite.  Full of compassion, seeing us as sheep without a shepherd.  But that did not deter Him from His mission.

He did not get so caught up in the “popularity” of the moment- or in pleasing people- that He lost the mission God was calling Him to do.

John 12:49-50For I did not speak on my own, but the Father who sent me commanded me to say all that I have spoken. 50 I know that his command leads to eternal life. So whatever I say is just what the Father has told me to say.”

I have felt God whispering to me recently- Rachel, let it go.  Let them talk.

You don’t have to be right.

You don’t always have to defend yourself.

And when I do I am seeking to defend my own value in my works rather than resting in who I am in Christ alone- to let Him be my defense.

I want to learn to just sit and listen, wait for the Holy Spirit to prompt me to speak.

When you are someone like me who is used to talking, and frankly, not always putting a great deal of thought into what I am going to say before I say it, this is a really hard lesson.

The reality is, (when I am busy talking) I am not listening for God.

And I am beginning to see glimpses of how different life could be if I would just wait to let Him move me to speak and to do.

If I could cultivate the discipline of praying more, seeking Him more faithfully in every moment, never forgetting how inept I am for any task if He is not present with me.

Relearning how to live takes time.

Old habits die hard, esp. when our greatest enemy has a vested interest in keeping us bogged down in unhealthy and selfish habits.

So pride must die.

And in this process I fear that I will have to be brought low, very low…

And yet I pray, oh God, let it be so.

Even in my fears of what I am really praying for, I have faith- I trust God.  And I want to trust Him more- to grow in faith- and I know that process will most likely be painful.

God whispers-will you suffer?

Leave love of self behind and step out for me?

Lord- help me to empty self and fill with you- strip away my pride. Bring me low.

Oh God, what this world gives- what they tell us we need- I am so tired of all the lies.  Nothing satisfies like you.  I am tired of living for pleasure in the moment and I want more.  Even as I pray this Lord I am scared of what you might ask of me.  How my life will change- but help me as I seek you Lord.  Give me the courage, strengthen me as I pursue you.  By your Grace, may I bear fruit and bring glory to your Name.  Through Jesus Christ, my intercessor, I pray- Amen.




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5 Responses to In My Own Defense

  1. Sarah Beals says:

    This is hard, but I love it. We really do need to be spirit led, even in our speech. Most times when I run ahead of the Lord, I end up saying things I regret.

  2. Sarah Beals says:

    I meant to say, this is a hard truth…not that you were harsh. :)

  3. Deanna says:

    “You don’t always have to defend yourself. And when I do I am seeking to defend my own value in my works rather than resting in who I am in Christ alone- to let Him be my defense.”
    Girl…you are spot on! This is something I also struggle with. Great words spoken with love directly to me.

    • Rachel says:

      D- thank you for sharing! This was a challenging post for me, trying to express the daily battle with pride. So glad it blessed you. Our God is so good! :)

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