When I am away from home, away from the routine, away from the “controlled environment”- in many ways I see how much I truly trust the Lord.
Trusting is easy when the water is calm and serene, but what happens when the storms come and the water gets choppy- when your boat starts taking water and you begin to wonder if you are going to capsize?
I called my Mom yesterday and I told her, “this trip has been very humbling reminder to me of how much work God still has to do in me.”
When I can control things- when I know all the ins and outs of a situation- when I have adequately prepared and am self-sufficient- then I feel peace-or at least, my own contrived peace.
But when I don’t plan for some unknown contingency, when I am stuck in a situation and need help-that’s when I struggle. I am like a fish out of water.
Why? Well, in part, I don’t like to ask for help. To admit that I need it-especially to someone who might say no. They might tell me that they can’t or won’t help me.
I would rather go on alone, miserable and feeling sorry for myself.
Note that I have not talked about seeking the only one who I know is there for me wherever I am, at any time–God.
Instead of being still and seeking Him, I have plowed relentlessly along, leaving all manor of destruction in my wake- hasty words, impatience, and anger.
I didn’t listen to that voice that said be still, wait upon me- seek me.
I want to go back and have a “do over.” To choose instead to invite Him into those moments that got ugly- where I got ugly.
Our gracious and loving God- who is willing and able to enter into any moment with us and bring peace that passes all understanding- a force strong enough to stop those urges within us that lead to regret. The Holy Spirit can be our steadying hand.
God has really been convicting me of my pride in my own self-sufficiency. Because when I put so much emphasis on all that I am doing- I often forget to seek Him in the process.
So, I have done a lot of praying. And I asked for help from several people- it was hard but they all were very gracious.
Sometimes, we need to give others an opportunity to bless us through their service. That’s part of what we are here for, to support each other. No man is an island.
So on a trip alone with my kiddos to AL, God continues to teach me and mold me in His image. To remind me of my need for Him in every moment- and through everything to give thanks.
I pray that you may seek Him in all your circumstances- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Life works much better when we give ourselves over to God each moment.
Psalm 27 (this has become one of my favorite Psalms during this season of waiting on God)
1 The Lord is my light and my salvation —
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
4 One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face! ”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.