When I first started blogging, pressing the publish button was so hard. It still is the hardest part of posting now, but pushing it has slowly become easier.
Why is it hard- you might wonder? Well, as a recovering perfectionist- I struggle with the reality of how feeble my own thoughts are. I am not an expert- not an authority. I am just a young Mom with a passion to love and serve God- but I sin every day- I have vices- I struggle and make mistakes.
And it is hard to put my thoughts out there for anyone to read. To share from my soul- because part of me is afraid how it will be received. What if people mock me, or dismiss me as foolish or irrelevant?
I am also a people pleaser by nature, so I have a hard time when I do all that I can to try to please someone or be what they want but I can’t do it. Though I have made some progress in curtailing this desire in my life- sometimes it still rears its ugly head- and I feel hurt by harsh criticisms of my thoughts or beliefs- esp. by people who I consider friends.
So, today, I was thinking about how increasingly insignificant and feeble I am when compared with God. His thoughts are so far beyond our understanding- we see such a small piece of the full picture.
I can remember times when I made hasty judgments about God based on limited information, especially when I was hurting.
This Scripture passage came to mind as these thoughts were ambling through my brain.
Isaiah 55:8-12 (the Lord is speaking here)
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
I feel my own smallness after reading this passage- my insignificance next to God- but also a deep and abiding thankfulness that my life is in His Hands. I can’t imagine a better place. By God’s grace alone- it is a place of refuge for me.
So, despite my fears of inadequacy and vulnerability…here I go.
We need to put ourselves out there- because many times that is what God asks of us- to pursue things that are beyond what we are comfortable with- maybe not our area of expertise or where our strengths lie- because God knows that we will depend on Him more when we reach the end of ourselves.
As long as we can throw something relatively good together on our own- we fail to seek God. We go through our days managing on our own strength and missing out on the blessing that are just beyond our reach because we choose to play it safe- to go it alone.
This blog is a form of surrender for me. Submitting to God- and praying each day that He would help me to convey my passions- and to have the courage to share my vulnerabilities- so that He may be glorified.
I know that mistakes and failures sometimes shape us (through fire) in ways that success might never achieve.
So I pray for courage for all of us to step up to the call- to honor God with our feeble attempts to serve- to give Him what we have- no matter how small it may be- and trust Him in faith with the rest.