While I was vacuuming this morning, I started thinking about being home all the time and how it can wreak havoc on your boundaries. When I was working outside the home, coming home was a place to escape, to relax and let my guard down. It was restful. Now home is my workplace, but it is also supposed to still be a place where I can recuperate and prepare myself for another day. But how do you create boundaries when you spend most of your life confined to the same space?
I can’t escape the work involved with my job. If I sit down and relax, the dust on the surfaces of the room where I am sitting suddenly seems to be glaring at me- accusing me of neglect. And going out somewhere to escape when you have two kids just isn’t possible. If I take them somewhere I am consumed with watching them and caring for them. And I enjoy that- being a Mom is a blessing. But when and how do you get “me” time?
Carving out a moment…those words just kept reverberating in my head. I can play the martyr. And grow seeds of bitterness in my heart because of all I am sacrificing for my family and all the work I am doing, and feeling mistreated because I never have time for me. But that isn’t fair- to my kids or my husband. I am responsible for taking care of myself- and if I fail to do that I compromise my effectiveness at my job.
So this year, my goal has been to not feel guilty when I sit down with a book for a while. To find things that I enjoy, like writing, and spend time doing them each day. And to take care of myself physically so that I can play with my kids and lead an active life. I even stopped running for a season- something I love- out of guilt. Misplaced guilt certainly, but guilt nonetheless. I would say to myself, “how can I take time to do this when I could be playing with my kids or preparing dinner, or working on this project or that project?”
For all you other at home Moms out there- I pray that you are carving out time for yourselves too. Because we need it! And I believe it helps us to be at the top of our game in every area of life- when we take that time to tend to ourselves.