Lashing Out

I don’t know about you, but stress always brings out the worst in me.  And the worst kind of stress comes from a situation that you can’t fix, all you can do is keep pressing on through the thick of the storm- not knowing when the waves will cease tossing you about.

I am bone tired.  Exhausted to the core of my soul.  And instead of leaning on my husband during times of trial, I lash out at him instead.  I vent my frustrations on the one person who I know loves me and is with me for the long haul.  And it makes me despise myself every time.  Why do we seem to take out our frustrations on the people who don’t deserve it?

I have ended up spending most of the day apologizing and then getting snippy again, and then saying sorry again.  We just got the kids in bed, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry about today,” and I replied, “What are you sorry about, I am the one who was irritable and rude.” He said, “You blow up and I clam up; we both have our different ways of dealing with stress.”

He is right.  We are very different people and we tend to deal with stress, well, just about anything really- well, differently.  After talking with him and hugging, he said, “I am heading out to go get burgers and beer.”  That sounds perfect.

Even after a day like today, knowing that tomorrow may be more of the same- one thing remains certain- I know that he loves me.  I know that he won’t leave me; we are in this together- for better or for worse.  Reflecting on the ups and downs of our eight years of marriage, one of my favorite passages from Scripture comes to mind- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

God once again gives us an ambitious mark to shoot for- to love like He loves us.  I am thankful that my husband and I can rest in the love of God our Father- when all around us is chaos and we need something to cling to in the storm.

Praying for peace and rest tonight.

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