Keep holding on.
I just think of the Israelites. The older I get the more I feel like I can REALLY relate to them.
In the middle of Exodus, the Israelites are in the desert. God has graciously given them a capable leader (Moses) and a visible sign of His presence with them day and night.
He just miraculously saved them from 400 years of slavery in Egypt.
He showed His superiority over all the Egyptian gods.
And less that 5 days later, the Israelites were grumbling. They were doubting. About two weeks after leaving Egypt, they even told Moses that they thought they were better off in Egypt than with God.
When they were thirsty and hungry, they actually claimed that God was going to let them die in the desert.
And yet, as I look at my own life, I see faith in God’s provision still sadly lacking.
There are times, if I am honest, that I think I feel like the Israelites did. Even though I know God is with me, I still feel alone sometimes.
Maybe he has forgotten my troubles.
Maybe he doesn’t realize how bad things really are.
Maybe he has forgotten me.
Maybe I am not being obedient in some way and this is punishment.
I go back to this place a lot because I have a hard time accepting that God loves me regardless of my performance. And every time I sin I feel like I deserve to be punished by God, and I have to consciously stop myself from withdrawing from Him.
The voice I hear says,” You are always screwing things up, you can never get it right- why would God love you?”
I am ashamed of my moments of fear and worry- I want to live child-like faith, to walk through the storms of life filled with joy and confident in His provision.
Every time I falter, every time I cry or lose my temper, every time I find myself envying someone who has a yard, or their own home, or their husband works from home I feel so terrible.
In my heart I cry out to God and say, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be happy for others and the blessings they have received from you? Take away this envy, remove coveting from my heart. Help me be thankful for all that you have blessed us with in this season. Even though it’s hard- open my eyes to all you have done for us. Fill my heart with thanksgiving even now. I want to be joyful with others as I see your provision for them too.”
Comparisons destroy contentment in my heart.
When my eyes stray from my Savior- if I look too long at my circumstances, or other people, or myself- I lose sight of the most important thing. The thing that matters more than all others.
I am His.
He promises to take care of His own.
He is my shepherd. He is the lover of my soul.
He delights in me. He promises to lead and guide me.
It is a one day at a time journey. I want to stop trying to escape this truth and embrace it.
What lies in your life need the light of God’s truth?
The more time we spend with Him, the more discerning we will be to tell his truth from the enemies’ lies. We will see clearly that our God does not operate on the world’s time table and He doesn’t follow their “rules.”
And you may be like me and immediately say- but I don’t expect Him to! And yet…when I look at my life, I see that instant gratification coming into play. I struggle with the waiting, practicing patience, enduring times of testing patiently…and in those moments I recognize my own need for pruning and sharpening.
I want to be useful to the Lord.
And I know that tools that are sharp work best, and that means filing the parts that are dulled, causing painful friction in those areas where I haven’t fully surrendered myself into his hands.
It hurts, knowing that I need him so much.
Does that make sense?
My sin should drive me to his presence, not cause me to draw away. Praise God that He does not leave me in my sinfulness but continually shines light upon those areas of my life that need his touch.
I read Proverbs 20:24 this morning.
A man’s steps are from the LORD. How then can a man understand his way?
I felt like God was saying to me, stop trying to see where this is going.
Just be with me.
As many minutes as you can- remember me.
Pray to me.
Be with me.
I am enough for you.
Surrender all other distractions and only look at me.
Listen to me.
Precious Lord, thank you for your Word. Each day, no matter where I am- you meet me there and gently love me and correct me. As I bask in your love I am refreshed and renewed. I know that you will take care of me and provide all my needs. I entrust my family to your care. Help me let go of material concerns and place them at your feet- that my mind can focus on faithfully loving those around me and serving wholeheartedly. Give me joy in you today, LORD. Fill my heart with a hunger to linger with you, to tell you all my pleasures and fears. I want to fall more in love with you today, and to more faithfully love your people. Holy Spirit guide me into holiness and truth. Help me discern the lies. O thank you Jesus, my precious Savior, for blood that cleanses me. For life and breath today. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.