It is so hard sometimes to grasp and hold onto some of God’s most simple lessons for us.
Peace does not depend on my circumstances.
Not when my hope rests in God.
Peace is a gift he gives to the soul who trusts Him.
Our circumstances presently are ripe with opportunity to trust and cast all our cares on Him, because we simply cannot survive any other way.
And honestly, sometimes, I think that I want that control back. It is so hard sometimes to let go of the rudder and fully let God navigate the ship of my life.
He takes me in directions that are hard. Humbling. Stretching.
And sometimes I just want it to be a little easier, a little more comfortable, a little more prosperity and a little less want.
I miss having a house, and a yard. I am tempted to covet the blessings that God gives others instead of rejoicing with them for a God who gives generously to his children, and knows what is best for each of us.
I don’t know why the Lord has brought us here, to this place for this season. I keep thinking that I will have some revelation at some point.
But honestly, at the heart of all my wonderings and desire to figure things out, is to somehow grasp control of this- to understand and begin to micro-manage…I can feel this tug-o-war in me.
It is so hard sometimes to simply let go and daily walk in obedience. To surrender the future into the hands of my God. He is worthy of my trust. He has proved it over and over and over again.
My days of deepest peace are those when I simply rest and enjoy Him and all He has given me in this day. I remember that He holds the future.
My days of tumult and distress are marked by looking at the future and speculating about what may come, how we will handle what we might have to do- it is all speculation, worry, and fear.
So again, I hear my Savior calling- surrender.
Live in obedience today.
Trust Me for your daily bread today.
One day at a time.
For the rest of your life.
There is no other way to live as a Christ follower.
In surrender I find my heart’s true home.
Yet the paradox is simply this- I see evidence in my life that I fear and fight arriving in this place- oh Lord that I would embrace this work you long to do in me!
All those things that I think provide security- money, property, job- those things can be lost in an instant. Taken away through unjust circumstances, through our own sinfulness- I have lived through the loss of those things thought secure.
Once you have, you can’t go back. Deep down you know that the only secure place lies on The Rock. All other security is sinking sand.
So today, in spite of my fears and sinfulness and selfishness, acknowledging my feeble faith- I pray and hope in a Savior who promises to walk with me- to abide in me- to transform this cracked jar into a holy vessel that brings praise and glory to my Lord and Savior who is worthy of all my praise.
A portion of a prayer from Valley of Vision has taken up permanent residence in my kitchen. Every time I read it, it is a prayer- a hope- a desire stoked with each whispered reading- O God let this be true of me.
Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill; unbelief mars my confidence, sin makes me forget thee. Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots; grant me know that I truly live only when I live to thee, that all else is trifling. Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong, and happy. Abide in me, gracious God.
Valley of Vision, pg. 129